What about the boat times?

Oz’s newest tattoo makes me really happy.

Normally his tattoos involve death and destruction, but this is a funny one. When it’s finished, it’s going to be a color portrait of Old Gregg from the Mighty Boosh with a bottle of Bailey’s next to it pouring out the phrase, “What about the boat times?” I love it!

Have no idea what I’m talking about? Do yourself a favor and watch this video:

Still thinking to yourself, what the fuck? That’s O.K., I did the same thing after watching Old Gregg for the first time. Trust me, give it another chance and you’re sure to be quoting it soon. In any case you’ll never think of a mangina the same way again.

Published in:  on December 6, 2009 at 1:13 am Comments (1)
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Rich people, Chubs, and just saying “Phuket”

Tuesday afternoon Oz and I made the two hour journey down south to see a few bands play. We did the same thing we always do when we go down to Boca Raton: gawk at rich people. Their cars, houses, offices, boats. Nothing is safe. After walking around the mall and laughing at all the things we can’t buy, we decided to take a drive down to Deerfield beach.

Do you ever think that some people just have TOO much money?

A law office on Federal Highway

Then, to kill some time before the show, we went for a stroll through Target. A Target that has two stories (!).  At the risk of looking like a country bumpkin, I had to snag a picture. Don’t worry, I hid in the candle aisle. I don’t think anyone saw me.

An escalator? In TARGET?

After that, we hopped in the car and headed to Nick’s house where we dumped off our stuff and got pretty:

From there it was a quick car ride to downtown Ft. Lauderdale to Revolution Live where Emory, August Burns Red, an Underoath were playing.

Once we got our tickets scanned and wristbands attached, we headed into the mouth of hell. It was about 120 degrees inside the club and the air was so wet and heavy it felt like it would crush you to the floor. The first band was finishing its set, but it already smelled like sweaty hair. As we pushed through the crowd, I started taking mental notes on all of the ridiculous people that were there. I noted several different types of people:

  • 12-year-old girls with fake IDs, miniskirts and black hooker boots. They mostly tried to look cool while getting pushed around and spilling their beer on each other.
  • Long-haired, sweaty, shirtless guys who were moshing on the lower level.
  • Tall, gangly guys wearing baggy ’90s Jnco jeans, black mesh T-shirts and as many chains as they could physically carry.
  • Emo losers with multiple lip rings and black hair matted down to one side with sweat.
  • A random high school math teacher who was there by himself.

Once we’d pushed our way to a spot where we could see the stage, the drums started beating, the band was on stage and the crowd went insane. The whole room reverberated with the sound of August Burns Red and you could feel the bass in your heart. The crowd pushed back and forth while people flew through the air.

August Burns Red

Unfortunately, all we had was Oz’s camera phone to document the concert with. Our favorite band member was the chubby guitarist, Brent Rambler,  who was wearing a light blue polo T-shirt, jeans and flip-flops. He rocked the shit.

Win.

August Burns Red had a really clean sound. The bass was tight and there was very little distortion on the vocals, which were much deeper in person than on the album. While the breakdowns rumbled, Jake Luhrs, the lead singer, swung his microphone around on the wire and jumped up on the front speaker. He screamed as loud as he could and beat his chest to the beat of the double bass. At one point during the set, Rambler even broke a guitar string, but the other guitarist picked up his part and the performance was seamless. They saved the best two songs, “Back Burner” and “Composure” for last. A stellar performance.

After their set, we pushed our way outside to get some air. What really sucked was that the “porch” was a twelve by twelve foot space with about 40 people crammed into it. Everyone was smoking and ashing on each other. Then it was back inside for Underoath. Neither of us were super thrilled about seeing them, but we stayed for a few songs. However, when it started smelling like a hot pile of garbage, it was time to leave. I really think somebody shat themselves.

After the concert we got some much needed Slurpies at 7-Eleven and drove back up to Boca. There we saw my favorite sign of the day:

When you just don’t care anymore: Phuket Thai.

 

Blood, Sweat and Ink

For anyone who will be in Melbourne, FL this Saturday Nov. 21, please come check out Blood, Sweat and Ink at SLOW Gallery downtown. The show will feature the fine art of tattoo artists from Ink Doktors, Studio XIII, Old Ghost Tattoo, Endless Summer, and many more.

Should be a good time!

Loltatz

My new favorite Web site is a spin-off of Lolcats, called Loltatz. It’s a collection of really bad and really funny tattoos. Some of the pictures are kind of raunchy, but for the most part they’re good.

This one's for you, Beth.

I think the Web site would do better with out the “fail” commentary, though. The tattoos speak for themselves.

Published in:  on November 18, 2009 at 11:03 pm Comments (1)
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Wave Gotik Treffen: Let’s go!

I’ve wanted to go to Europe for a very long time. I find myself becoming extremely jealous when I hear other people’s tales of backpacking and European adventures. Oz and I often discuss going to Scotland so he can visit his home country — his mother’s maiden name is Dewar, as in Dewar’s scotch whiskey.

It was a strange morning, yet kind of normal for us. We listened to Darkwave, VNV Nation, and Johnny Vicious house mixes while I made breakfast. Then, Oz brought up Wave Gotik Treffen, the world’s largest festival for “dark culture,” which takes place in Leipzig, Germany every May 21-24.

Upon first glance, it looks like a Hot Topic festival.

Smiles: a rare thing at WGT.

But this is the real deal, folks.

At Wave Gotik Treffen, there are a variety of people. From Victorian Goths to gutter punks, to steampunks, there’s a little something for everyone. But it’s not just about the clothes and make-up, it’s about the music. WGT offers more than 150 bands and artists from various backgrounds  such as Gothic rock, EBM, Industrial, Noise, Darkwave, Neofolk, Neoclassical, Medieval Music, Experimental, Gothic metal, Deathrock and Punk.

Oz and I are both kind of scared of the festival, but we’re also very intrigued. I’d love to go experience something completely different like that, if only for the fact that I could blog about it after. Plus, Oz looks great in eyeliner.

 

 

 

New classics on SNL

My knowledge of newer SNL episodes is pretty limited, but I really like Kristen Wiig. Her compulsive liar character, Penelope is excellent.

She’s also hilarious on the Lawrence Welk Show clip. (Note: this one starts out a little slow but keep watching, it’s good.)

Some others that I remember being pretty funny are:

The art dealers, Nuni and Nuni.

Peyton Manning for the United Way.

Published in:  on November 17, 2009 at 5:20 pm Leave a Comment
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My thoughts on Drew Barrymore

I used to think that I hated Drew Barrymore because of Charlie’s Angels,  her stupid palsy face, and for doing stuff like this:

I still kind of hate her, but after having a recent discussion with my friends, I’ve come to the startling realization that I may like Drew Barrymore. I know, it makes me cringe too, but let me explain:

  1. I loved “Ever After.” It’s a beautiful dream-like movie that I used to watch over and over when I was younger.
  2. I may be the only person in world who actually watched, let alone liked the movie “Never Been Kissed.”
  3. I absolutely love “The Wedding Singer.” It is one of my favorite pseudo ’80s movies of all time. It’s one of those movies that, if it’s on, I’ll drop everything to watch.
  4. “Donnie Darko”
  5. “Whip It” was actually not that bad either. If you can get over the awfulness of Ellen Page (which some people can’t) it’s worth it. Maybe I just liked it because of the roller derby factor, who knows?

In any account, I felt it was necessary to share my feelings on the subject.

 

A melancholy Christmas

I just finished reading Augusten’s newest:

I was expecting really big things out of this book, and to be honest, I was a little disappointed. The first few essays were about Augusten’s childhood and were admittedly chuckle-worthy. They involved a life-sized wax Santa with a half-eaten face and a gingerbread public housing unit. But as the book progressed, the stories became more and more melancholy. He described his drunk Christmas spent with bums in New York City, and an affair with a fat French Santa.

Overall, the book lacked Augusten’s usual sharp wit and eye for hilarious details. I wouldn’t recommend spending $21.99 on the hardcover version. With my Barnes and Noble member’s card it was $18 and some change, still a little steep. Maybe it’ll be out in paperback next year.

If you’re in the mood for a little holiday absurdity, I recommend reading “Holidays on Ice” by David Sedaris. The best part is, you can buy it used on Amazon for $1.89.

 

More ranting, anyone?

Since the beginning of the summer, I’ve been compiling a list of things that I absolutely hate. They are mostly social faux pas, but some do relate to Web writing. Here they are, for you reading pleasure:

  • Conversate. According to Jesse Sheidlower, editor of the OED, it is a word. Much to my dismay. Using it, however, will not make you sound smart, it will only make you sound like a fool.
  • Using the word literally too much or in the wrong context. This summer, my cousin and her Auburn Greek-life friends said the word no less than 87,000 times. Literally. If you hate it as much as I do, check out this blog that tracks the use of the word.
  • When people type “prolly” instead of “probably” in their text messages and/or on Facebook.
  • When people (girls are especially notorious for this) draw out the last letter of their words on Facebook. For example, “Pleaseeeee.” That is read as “please-y.” If you want to be whiny and annoying, pleeaase do it correctly.
  • Air quotes.
  • This is unrelated, but I can’t stand it when I’m driving and the person in front of me does the stop-and-turn. It enrages me.

For more, check out Toothpastefordinner.com

So that’s about it for now. More hateful ranting to come. If you have any questions or concerns, leave a comment and we can prolly conversate about it.

 

Phil Hartman, we love and miss you.

I remember sitting around the TV on Saturday nights when my parents and I would watch Saturday Night Live. In later years, we would watch the SNL re-runs that came on E! and proceed to quote them for the rest of the week. One of my favorite people on SNL was Phil Hartman because his humor was smart and understated.

A throwback to 1989: Eugene, the Anal Retentive Chef.

And another favorite from 1991: Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer.

Rest in peace, Phil.